where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
