Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i've created a new STD.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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