His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
