I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
