We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
