I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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