On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I want to have your abortion
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
