drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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