The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
