i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
