i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
