It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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