Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
