is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
