i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
