just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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