He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
