DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
