You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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