Too much gin, very little bucket
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
