you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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