Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
