the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
