Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
