I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
