...so i touched it.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
