Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
