Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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