so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
where does the pee come out of this thing
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
