: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
