She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
