bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize