just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
