Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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