The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
