You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
