you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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