my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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