Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
