worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
