Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
