what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
