Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
