I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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