SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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