I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
