Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
