I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
