tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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