Only a mothe r could love this liver
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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