I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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