this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
