No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I have surprise drugs for everyone
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They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
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I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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