I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
