Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
she peed on how many people?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
