you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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