i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
