turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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