btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
