We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
