Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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