I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
