I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
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My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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