piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
