My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
