its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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